Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to recognise, understand, manage, and respond to emotions, both your own and those of others. It involves using emotional awareness to guide behaviour and communication in constructive ways. In the context of family offices, EI is essential for handling sensitive dynamics and making rational, strategic decisions in emotionally charged situations. That’s why it is increasingly recognised as a critical skill in managing wealth. In family offices and multi-generational businesses — where personal relationships and long-term trust are central – emotional intelligence can make the difference between transactional advising and true partnership.
In this article, we’ll explore how emotional intelligence shapes advisor–client relationships, discuss ways it can be developed, and offer practical examples from real family office scenarios.
Why Emotional Intelligence Matters
Family offices don’t operate like traditional corporations. In family offices, personal, financial, and professional roles often overlap in complex ways. Advisors and internal leaders must handle intense emotions such as fear, pride, grief, or rivalry while maintaining clarity, objectivity, and strategic thinking.
According to Gomez-Betancourt et al. (2014), the effectiveness of emotional intelligence depends not only on the individual’s skills but on their willingness to use them in a relational context. Advisors who are self-aware and empathetic can better interpret what isn’t said and help to create an environment of psychological safety.
The Role of Active Listening
One of the most actionable expressions of emotional intelligence is active listening. As explored in our companion article, “Strengthening Advisor-Client Relationships in Family Businesses,” active listening is key to reducing information asymmetry. By paying close attention to verbal and non-verbal cues, summarising for clarity, and validating concerns, advisors build trust and demonstrate care.
Reducing information asymmetry is crucial in family office relationships because transparency and trust enhance the quality of the advisor–client relationship. When both advisors and family members have access to the same information, they can engage in more open, collaborative conversations and align more effectively on strategy. With advice grounded in a clear understanding of the family’s goals, dynamics, and concerns, misunderstandings and conflicts become far less likely.
The Advisor’s Role as a Bridge
As Quarchioni, Ciccola and Chiucchi (2022) note, advisors often bridge the divide between personal emotion and strategic logic in family firms. Their role is partly technical, but also relational. Emotional intelligence is the skillset that makes relational work effective.
With strong emotional intelligence, advisors can act as calm, credible, and trusted partners. This is especially valuable when mediating disputes, guiding next-gens, or managing sensitive transitions. More than any spreadsheet or pitch deck, that emotional fluency is what builds trust between the advisors and the family.
Applying Emotional Intelligence to Overcome Common Challenges
- Navigating Power Dynamics: Family hierarchies can complicate honest conversations. Advisors high in emotional intelligence know when to step back, when to challenge, and how to speak to each member’s emotional priorities without escalating conflict.
- Managing Resistance to Change: Emotional resistance often masks deeper concerns. By acknowledging fears (e.g., loss of legacy or relevance), advisors can reframe change as continuity, not disruption. This is especially important for the incumbent – succession often leads to a reduce social network to the incumbent and his/her spouse.
- Bridging Generational Gaps: Younger family members may return with global perspectives, clashing with older generations’ values. Emotional intelligence helps advisors translate these tensions into shared goals. Interestingly, family councils need to consider the effect of receiving back a culturally changed family member after sending them abroad before they actually do so to avoid tensions and misconceptions.
Building Emotionally Intelligent Relationships
Advisors looking to cultivate emotional intelligence in their work can focus on five core practices:
- Cultivate self-awareness: Understand your triggers, biases, and communication habits.
- Practice empathy: Put yourself in the client’s shoes, especially during sensitive transitions.
- Remain emotionally regulated: Model calm and clarity in difficult conversations.
- Encourage vulnerability: Create a space where clients feel safe sharing doubts or aspirations.
These interpersonal skills lead to concrete outcomes: smoother succession, stronger family unity, and more resilient governance.
While advisors aren’t therapists, they can create the kind of reflective space that is grounded in experience and technical expertise, whilst encouraging emotional growth, especially in family business and family office settings, where emotional awareness is often key to better outcomes. Advisors can play a powerful role in helping clients develop their emotional intelligence by asking thoughtful, reflective questions or by gently reminding them of emotionally considerate actions they might otherwise overlook.
1. Cultivate Self-Awareness
Good questions help clients notice their emotions, patterns, and triggers. Some examples:
- “How do you feel about this situation?”
- “What part of this situation is most difficult for you?”
- “Have you experienced a problem like this before in the business?”
- “Would you arrive at a different decision if you didn’t feel so strongly about the situation?”
2. Practice Empathy
Encourage clients to consider others’ perspectives. Some examples:
- “What do you think your business partner/family member’s motivations are?”
- “Do you think we should update anyone on this decision?”
- “Do you think this business decision will affect the family dynamic?”
3. Support Emotional Regulation
Help clients reflect before reacting. Advisors can normalise taking time to respond thoughtfully. Some examples:
- “This meeting was intense. Should we have a break and continue after?”
- “Would it help to take a step back and revisit this with more distance?”
- “What could be a constructive way to approach this problem at hand?”
4. Encourage Social Awareness and Relationship Skills
Guide clients in navigating power dynamics, hierarchy, and trust within the family. Some examples:
- “Who else should be part of this conversation to make it successful?”
- “Would there be a way to keep this person involved without thwarting the process?”
- “How can we include voices that haven’t been heard yet?”
5. Create a Culture of Reflection
In ongoing advisory work, you can make these conversations part of regular check-ins. Some examples:
- Helping clients map out potential reactions before the next family council meeting
- Starting meetings with emotional check-ins.
- Asking for reflections on how a decision felt, not just how it performed.
- Offering debriefs after tense discussions to explore emotional learnings.
Beyond coaching, advisors can take small proactive actions that demonstrate emotional intelligence in everyday interactions. Meaning, they can proactively support a client’s emotional leadership (even if the client isn’t naturally inclined toward that themselves), by offering emotionally intelligent services, which can help maintain family cohesion while also making the client look thoughtful and inclusive.
These offers often take pressure off the client while quietly reinforcing trust within the family. For instance, an advisor might say, “Would you like me to keep your family informed on decisions or help coordinate regular family updates?” — a simple offer that prevents miscommunication and presents the client as transparent and respectful, without requiring them to manage every detail. In more delicate situations, the advisor might act as a neutral intermediary by offering, “Would you prefer I deliver this feedback or suggestion to the council for you?” This keeps emotional tensions in check and allows the client to introduce sensitive topics without personal fallout. By offering such services, advisors quietly model emotional intelligence while reinforcing their influence and strengthening the advisor-client bond.
Final Thoughts
Emotional intelligence may not appear on a family office balance sheet, but it influences nearly every line of it — from decision-making and succession to culture and continuity. Advisors and family leaders who develop their emotional intelligence can build deeper trust and achieve stronger collaboration. Over time, emotionally intelligent leadership fosters healthier communication, deeper understanding, and more cohesive decision-making within the family system.
Asking the right questions is central to emotional intelligence, and tools like the Family Council Canvas can help guide those conversations. It provides a shared framework for exploring questions that matter: What does success look like for us? How do we handle conflict? What legacy do we want to leave? By prompting honest reflection and dialogue, the FCC makes it easier for families and advisors to uncover deeper motivations, clarify roles, and align family values with long-term strategy.
References
Gómez-Betancourt, G., Gamba, D., Franco-Santos, M., & Lucianetti, L. (2014). Emotional intelligence in family firms: Its impact on interpersonal dynamics in the family business and ownership systems. International Journal of Entrepreneurship and Small Business.
Quarchioni, S., Ciccola, R., & Chiucchi, M. S. (2022). Advising in Family Firms: Shaping Relational Dynamics and Trustful Connections in Strategy Work. Family Business Review, 35(4), 338-360. https://doi.org/10.1177/08944865221124356
