Most family offices manage assets, but more importantly, they manage legacies. And legacies aren’t built on numbers alone: they’re built on trust, alignment, and the ability to bring the right conversations into the open. When those conversations don’t happen, something subtle but dangerous creeps in: misalignment. Advisors and families stop seeing the same picture, decisions get made on partial information, mistakes happen, and trust erodes. The hidden costs mount: ones measured in money, but also in lost opportunities, fractured relationships, and weakened succession.

The Hidden Price of Asymmetry

At the root of misalignment is information asymmetry: one side knows more, says less, or hides what really matters. Advisors sometimes withhold candour to protect their role, while families avoid sharing emotions that feel “out of scope.”

The result are agency costs. Advisors optimise for what they think matters, not what actually does. Families get advice that looks right on paper but feels wrong in practice. Everyone loses.

As one study found, “Managing hard issues is important, but soft issues are usually the most delicate area and the key to successful succession” (Cesaroni & Sentuti, 2017). And yet, advisors often default to tax structures and legal fixes while leaving relational fractures untouched – this, not least, through an urge to do the (or a) right thing: correct advice. Often, this advice then falls too short in order to hedge the exposure of the advisor. 

Why Advisors Hold Back

Many advisors quietly avoid the thorniest ground: family dynamics. They fear getting caught in politics, losing neutrality, or damaging their standing. So they stick to safe territory, like tax planning, legal frameworks, and balance sheets.

But avoidance has a cost, too. If the relationship between principal and advisor isn’t transferred to the next generation, the trust evaporates. Worse, by staying silent, advisors miss the chance to offer the one thing family members can’t give each other: objective, unvarnished feedback. The kind of feedback a founder might reject from their children, but accept from a trusted outside voice. Especially, entrepreneurial first-generation clients are often “too fast” and need an advisor who can push back and help in the process of sensemaking; a more deliberate and thus slower form of decision-making by introducing doubts and highlighting parameters that need to be upheld.

This is where advisors have to grow beyond technical mastery. Families aren’t only looking for expertise, they’re really looking for someone who can listen, empathise, and reflect the truths back that no one else dares to say.

Listening as a Strategic Skill

Active listening isn’t soft. It’s strategic.

When advisors truly listen — not just to the words, but to the hesitations, the contradictions, the unsaid — families open up, and information gaps shrink. Advisors gain context that they would never find in a spreadsheet.

One advisor described it bluntly: “What is also much appreciated is openness. An external advisor can actually tell a client that he is the problem. Others cannot, and there are actually people who appreciate that because they are not used to this feedback.” (de Groote & Bertschi-Michel, 2021) 

That kind of honest listening and reflection transforms advice. Suddenly, it’s not generic or cautious, but tailored to the family’s unique values, fears, and ambitions. That’s when advice resonates, and that’s when it’s acted upon.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence

Technical brilliance can never replace emotional intelligence. A family office is as much an emotional system as it is a financial one. It has to navigate deeply charged issues: fear of letting go, sibling rivalry, succession anxiety, and pride in heritage.

Advisors fluent in emotions can decode the subtext. They can translate “I’m not sure they’re ready” into “I’m afraid of losing relevance.” They can frame change not as disruption, but as continuity. They can bridge generational divides, making a returning next-gen’s global perspective feel like an asset rather than a threat.

And critically, trust is not built on logic alone. As de Groote and Bertschi-Michel show, “trusting relationships evolve via a nonlinear process characterised by a constant interplay between cognitive and—increasingly important—affective assessments”. 

Or, in the words of one advisor, “Basically, I am sure it is about liking each other. If you don’t have this feeling and do not like to talk and work with this person, then trust is never built.” (de Groote & Bertschi-Michel, 2021) 

While liking someone may seem instinctive, practices such as active, empathetic listening can deepen understanding and connection. In this way, trust can be cultivated over time through intentional effort and not be dependent solely on immediate sympathy.

Of course, families themselves sometimes resist outside input. Succession in particular is often seen as too private, too personal to involve outsiders.

As one successor put it: “Thinking that someone from the outside can significantly enter into people’s minds and intimately understand the firm’s processes is not easy.” (Cesaroni & Sentuti, 2017)

This scepticism highlights the need for advisors who blend technical expertise with emotional fluency. They are the ones who move beyond imposing solutions to earn the role of a trusted partner truly.

Why Advisors Need Each Other

No single advisor can see the whole picture. Succession, wealth, and family dynamics are simply too complex. That’s why collaboration matters.

“Through sharing knowledge, we can discover issues facing the client in more than one single dimension”, as one study noted. Another advisor admitted: “As an accountant, if I follow the traditional succession planning approach, I might just focus on the tax-efficient transfer of assets. However, sharing knowledge with other advisors allows me to surface problems that would not be attended by a traditional approach.” (Su & Dou, 2013)

Families deserve integrated, holistic solutions, not just fragmented advice. Without coordination, they end up confused by conflicting recommendations. With collaboration, advisors can uncover the real questions and give better answers. 

The Path Forward

True alignment starts with symmetry of information and develops into a symmetry of purpose. Advisors and families moving in the same direction, aware of both numbers and emotions, values and strategy.

That’s the spirit behind the Family Council Canvas: a shared space for families and advisors to bring everything into view: wealth, relationships, roles, fears, and goals. 

In the end, family wealth is preserved through the courage to listen, the trust to open up, and the commitment to walk a shared path.

For advisors, that is the point where guidance stops being transactional and becomes truly transformational.

References:

Cesaroni, F.M. and Sentuti, A. (2017) ‘Family business succession and external advisors: the relevance of “soft” issues’, Small Enterprise Research, 24(2), pp. 167–188. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1080/13215906.2017.1338193.

de Groote, J.K. and Bertschi-Michel, A. (2021) ‘From Intention to Trust to Behavioral Trust: Trust Building in Family Business Advising’, Family Business Review, 34(2), pp. 132–153. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1177/0894486520938891.

Su, E. and Dou, J. (2013) ‘How Does Knowledge Sharing Among Advisors From Different Disciplines Affect the Quality of the Services Provided to the Family Business Client? An Investigation From the Family Business Advisor’s Perspective’, Family Business Review, 26(3), pp. 256–270. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1177/0894486513491978.